Mental state examination

August 2019

My diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder includes ultra-ultra rapid mood cycling (sometimes called ultradian cycling if it happens within one day). I can go through elations, dysphoria and extreme despondency within a matter of hours. Sometimes my moods can switch dramatically within minutes. This has always given me a fragmented picture of reality, lately, I feel that my days are smashed into tiny pieces.

I have started zoning out a lot again. I can be in a conversation with someone, and suddenly my mind is completely elsewhere. Everybody goes through this, but my current dysphoric mania is taking it beyond the next level.

I continue to experience ongoing, chronic psychotic symptoms. These include visual hallucinations throughout the day, and thought broadcast – the belief that people are listening to my thoughts.

I currently don’t feel like leaving my room much, and only really do so when it’s connected to one of the creative projects I am working on.

There’s more detail about my illnesses/experiences and how they have affected work, education and such like in my Notes on Being Psychotic & Proud.

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I was so bored one day I put my Buddha statue on top of the wardrobe just to see what it looked like. It’s very heavy. I couldn’t even be bothered removing it.

I know the Rothko poster is upside down. It’s a joke. In the UK we are still allowed to laugh at ourselves. Oh, and can someone explain to the Neasden branch of IKEA that you don’t have to be wearing a Fat is a Feminist Issue t-shirt to appreciate the Seagram Murals?

Taken with my trusty iPhone 5s, August 2019, and cheered up with the Snapseed app.

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